Give your kids all the freedom to control themselves that you can, but not too much. Giving them enough freedom to find their own way develops their sense of who they really are and what they really want to do. This prepares them to be able to find their own authentic path to fulfillment and success in adulthood.
But of course, avoid giving kids too much responsibility for themselves. You need to closely monitor your child to recognize when you need to intervene and establish boundaries.
If you give a child more freedom than he or she can responsibly handle, the child oversteps appropriate behavior boundaries and develops habitual behavior problems.
And when you do step in, avoid disciplining children using behaviors you don’t want them to copy, because nature programs children to imitate the behaviors that they witness and receive.
Our responsibility as parents is to prepare our children to intelligently and constructively handle NOT getting their way. This means responding to not getting their way in a way that really works for them, in a way that helps them to get your way in time.
This amounts to teaching kids the wise leadership skill of accountability.
Here is how that skill works: Rather than blowing their top and blaming others when they do not like what happens, wise leaders accept responsibility for recognizing what they have done that led to what is happening, and how they can change to improve their results.